Valentine’s Day is coming up, and while I’m not really all that big on it, I can’t help but think a little about love. First loves & first crushes. The world can read about my first crush in Eclipsed, buy links and info here (!), so what about my first love? They are not the same person, by the way.
My first love… let’s call him Bill. Because, well, that’s his name. There’s no use hiding it because he knows he was my first love, and I’m pretty sure I was his.
I met him the first day of my sophomore year of high school. I was the new kid, a fresh transfer. His last name began with an H, mine with an I. So our lockers were next to each other and we were in the same homeroom, as well as a couple classes. We didn’t say much that first day, or the next two. Nothing more than a mumbled “hi.”
That Friday night, I got a phone call. It was two guys, and I had no idea who I was talking to. It turned out to be Bill and his best friend Dan. They were hilarious and we were on the phone for a ridiculously long time. I was hooked. We were together from that moment on.
Bill was smart, musically talented, kind, and he had a sense of humor that was far beyond the average 15yo guy. He was deep and sometimes incredibly intense. But so was I, so we fit together perfectly.
He was there for me through thick and thin. He was my person and I was his. We knew things about each other that we’d never told anyone. We were young, but we had feelings that were not childish.
But then junior year came, and my life completely changed. First, Bill dumped me out of nowhere, and then my parents split a few weeks later. It was Bill who wrecked my world. Only later did I realize that I got dumped because of another’s lies, a best friend who was jealous of the time we spent together, of what we had. And it wasn’t my best friend; it was his.
His friend had known him forever, knew how to manipulate him, knew just what to say to get in his head. The next year and a half were hell for me. It wasn’t enough that his friend destroyed us as a couple; he wanted to destroy me. He didn’t succeed, but God knows he tried. Even now, some 32 years post-graduation, I still have an undeserved reputation that gets thrown in my face from time to time.
When we broke up, it not only hurt me, but it tore apart our friend group when his friend pushed them to take sides. Our group never fully recovered. I lost my best friend, but I’ve gotten her back. It took years, too many, but she’s in my life, and I adore her.
It also took years for me to trust again, to open my heart again. We were young, but it was real. Today he’s married with kids, and so am I. And everything is as it should be!
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